Lifting My Eyes- True Confessions

I lift up my eyes to the hills-

Where does my help come from?

Never a shortage of views here.

For months I've put off writing and posting because I didn't want to wallow. But I was wallowing. 

Homesickness, winter blues, loneliness, selfishness, you name it. 

I didn't post my last draft because it contained complaining, egads.

It really comes down to what my friend Tiffany said at CC one day when I confessed I had been "faking it" while being so nauseated in early pregnancy during the (awful) months of February and March. 

"Why are you faking it?" Tiffany (and the Lord) asked.

Here it is. Wait for it...

I just don't want anyone to know I'm a fake. 

My good friend Rebekah says that it's the first six months in a new place that just plain stink, (I'm keeping this rated G but I have another word for it.) Maybe I'm about over the "stinky" time.

Maybe it's because I'm finally pregnant after several years of wanting a baby and I'm just so happy about it.

Maybe it's because I'm starting to find myself enveloped in the love of old and new friends and I can't hold them off any longer.

Maybe it's because I'm starting to peel off another layer of dishonesty about myself. I hope that's the case.

Look, people, I really did want to be in Alaska again, we've dreamed about returning here for years. This is a beautiful place to be, and I am learning to appreciate it, one excruciating winter month at a time. 

Eagle River, March 2013
If I'm going to be truthful, I have to confess that this life of constant transition is not the lifestyle I would have chosen for myself. 
It has been painful, at times excruciatingly so. And I've had it pretty easy compared to most military wives. EASY.

Hug, pray for, bring a meal, do something for the military wife you know. This week. Today.

Other than learning to run to the Rock of my Salvation, I don't know how I could have survived it- dare I say, thrived in it- for my entire married life (read: adulthood.)

Slowly, I am learning. Little by little, spring is coming, and I am learning to lift my eyes. I look up, away from myself. I look up to the One who watches over, who keeps tabs on the seasons and knows all of mine. Stop looking for what I'm missing somewhere else and start looking for what I might be missing, right here.

Winter doesn't last forever, even in Alaska. 

My help comes from the Lord, 

the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip-

he who watches over you will not slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you-

the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day, 

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm-

he will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121 (NIV) 

Just a Plain Old Update

Good morning! Here we are in our little house on Tinker Air Force Base, enjoying (close) togetherness with a dash of limbo. This entry comes from my "Homeschool Journal" which is where I store my thoughts, plans and results of our home education adventure. It's time for an update.

My children are not explorers or adventurers by nature. They are tinkerers, creators, performers (in private) and writers. Most of their play-acting is done with the help of Lego Star Wars characters. I have to drag them away from their scenarios to learn anything new or to go anywhere. (Click this link to see Aurelia's blog on Lego creations.)

For me, this can be a problem because my imagination is not as active as it once was.  Most novels I've picked up this summer have bored me; and I've found the most solace in prayer, Bible reading, and creative arts. Not that I've produced anything much, but I've researched:

• gardening
• repurposing, reusing, repainting, decorating on a dime
• watercolor for beginners
• dog behavior
• Biblical womanhood
• home arts and organization

Some, though not all of these have been inspired by Pinterest, though the research has been done mostly in library books. I've had to compete to use our one laptop PC, which is always in high demand. Now I find myself taking notes on ideas and plans for our Alaskan home. Such as, how to retain heat in your home:

• hang fleece behind your curtains
• double up on rugs
• replace heater filters promptly
• wear sweaters!(wool, preferably)
• use a natural humidifier (a pot with a partially open lid, full of water, simmering on the stove)
• hang wet laundry indoors, to dry until damp, before placing in the dryer (this also conserves energy) 
• close doors to rooms or floors when not in use

I'm finding my little study in home economy to be fascinating. It's been freeing to realize the thrift of our forebearers keeps us from poverty in it's many forms and frees us up to find beauty in the mundane. But I digress.

In the meantime, my well-laid plans for "doing school" have gone untouched with the exception of a few reading lessons for Ethan. He's progressing well. Once Eric told me that he didn't think we should push school right now, I felt released and relieved. The guilt of doing nothing has almost totally passed, and I only feel foolish for toting the heavy box of summer "resources" with us.

The large item I'm not sorry I brought, however, is the keyboard, and though my dear second daughter seems to be losing interest, it has been good to hear them play, at least maintaining their skills. Eric bought a book of worship anthems for the piano, and I love hearing dear eldest daughter playing "Jesus, Name Above All Names."

We go to the libraries weekly, both the dinky Tinker library and the Midwest City Metropolitan, where I remember visiting back during Eric's first training in 1999. I defy anyone to keep up with eldest daughter's book reading. I certainly can't do it! At night we alternate between reading aloud Prince Caspian and On the Banks of Plum Creek. We're almost done with them.

The reading, swimming when we can stand the sunny heat, assorted field trips and Science Museum passes, weekend trips, and watching the Olympics , are making for a rather enjoyable summer break. As I am realizing, writing this, I have so much to be thankful for.

For this fall, we have almost certainly decided to use Sonlight curriculum for the girls (Core F, for them combined, plus Latin American Spanish) while Ethan and Crista will continue with Classical Conversations Foundations Program (Cycle One). CC has become familiar, like those the comfortable walking shoes that take you places while being supportive. I don't know if that's the best metaphor, but I've realized that Foundations works best over the long range. The cycles are meant to be repeated through twice, at least, and the second or third go around is when you will reap the most reward. I certainly saw this reward last year when my girls repeated Cycle 3 for the third time. So I'm excited to tutor Cycle One for the first time ever, knowing that my 1st grader will reap the rewards... when he's in 4th grade! Sweet second daughter may not remember more than a few history sentences from the year we used Cycle One at home (no CC group, and she was PreK.) The second time Cycle One came around was when the girls were in (gasp) public school. Why I did not have them review it at home is beyond me!? Maybe I was too busy helping them do homework.

The Journey Continues

View from Hope, Alaska, July 2000

We are moving back to Alaska.

Anchorage, Alaska, to be exact. We've dreamed of returning ever since we left there almost ten years ago, soon after Boo was born. Elmendorf AFB was our first three-year assignment in the USAF.

Our family of four on the Alaska Marine Highway, 2002

We never imagined the opportunity would be given to us... we feel kind of like we've won the lottery. After moving several times, each move farther from the Northwest, and each job for E being less and less related to the cockpit, we just didn't think it would happen. But it has.

Here we are now, a family of five, in Southern Florida. That's right, I said Southern Florida!

Wow, we've enjoyed the sunshine, beautiful beaches, and all the flora and fauna Florida has to offer. (More on that later.) Beginning now, we are planning a trek across this great North American continent via the USAF.

From Florida to Alaska!

We hope you join us on the journey.