I lift up my eyes to the hills-
Where does my help come from?
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| Never a shortage of views here. |
For months I've put off writing and posting because I didn't want to wallow. But I was wallowing.
Homesickness, winter blues, loneliness, selfishness, you name it.
I didn't post my last draft because it contained complaining, egads.
It really comes down to what my friend Tiffany said at CC one day when I confessed I had been "faking it" while being so nauseated in early pregnancy during the (awful) months of February and March.
"Why are you faking it?" Tiffany (and the Lord) asked.
Here it is. Wait for it...
I just don't want anyone to know I'm a fake.
My good friend Rebekah says that it's the first six months in a new place that just plain stink, (I'm keeping this rated G but I have another word for it.) Maybe I'm about over the "stinky" time.
Maybe it's because I'm finally pregnant after several years of wanting a baby and I'm just so happy about it.
Maybe it's because I'm starting to find myself enveloped in the love of old and new friends and I can't hold them off any longer.
Maybe it's because I'm starting to peel off another layer of dishonesty about myself. I hope that's the case.
Look, people, I really did want to be in Alaska again, we've dreamed about returning here for years. This is a beautiful place to be, and I am learning to appreciate it, one excruciating winter month at a time.
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| Eagle River, March 2013 If I'm going to be truthful, I have to confess that this life of constant transition is not the lifestyle I would have chosen for myself. It has been painful, at times excruciatingly so. And I've had it pretty easy compared to most military wives. EASY. Hug, pray for, bring a meal, do something for the military wife you know. This week. Today. Other than learning to run to the Rock of my Salvation, I don't know how I could have survived it- dare I say, thrived in it- for my entire married life (read: adulthood.) Slowly, I am learning. Little by little, spring is coming, and I am learning to lift my eyes. I look up, away from myself. I look up to the One who watches over, who keeps tabs on the seasons and knows all of mine. Stop looking for what I'm missing somewhere else and start looking for what I might be missing, right here. |
Winter doesn't last forever, even in Alaska.
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip-
he who watches over you will not slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you-
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm-
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121 (NIV)
