Choosing to Rejoice

The weeping willow tree in Uncle John & Aunt Jeanne's backyard.

This morning is the first time I've "done nothing" since Dad's funeral. I could feel the grief setting in even as I drove home from the airport last night. Having my aunt here was a brief diversion, a welcome one, but I knew the sadness would have to be faced. I cranked up Need To Breathe and just let myself cry as I drove around the mountains.

This morning is a little more complicated. There are kids to feed, chores awaiting my attention. There are things on the agenda. But I just need a few minutes to process more.

I missed a few vital opportunities for closure while I was in Michigan. Some regrets are nagging at me. I didn't place anything in Dad's casket... It happened before I was ready, they shut his casket at the beginning of the funeral. I didn't really want to look at his body again, but I did want to put the kid's notes in there and I missed it. Also, I had a roll of King's Mints that he should have had. Aurelia loves mints so she started eating them.

I think my dad would tell me not to fret. The memories are for me. So I can choose what to do now. I think I should choose not to regret anything. I can bury the notes, but better to keep them as a precious memory of the kids loving their Grandpa. Oh, they really loved him. As Aurelia eats the King's Mints I can choose whether to "regret" that we didn't bury them with Dad or I can "rejoice" that she is a mint eater like Grandpa Gerrit. My dad would say, "Let her eat the mints."

There was so much more I wanted to share with Dad.

If I had had more time to plan for a scripture to read at the funeral, here is what I would have added to my eulogy. But since I didn't, and since Dad is already in the Presence of God, this scripture is for me.

This is what I rejoice in today, thinking about my Dad:

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust."
Psalm 103: 8-14

At Fort Custer